Over the past year and a half, my personality has changed immensely. Let me just say that in a lot of ways, I am not a fan of these changes. I'm constantly self aware of the ways I've changed and I feel upset when I think about the person I used to be.
I know of a lot of collective reasons why this has happened but I have decided that in order to just take a break and step away from everything, next week I will be taking an internet detox. The only exception to this will be me checking my work schedule as I have to do that online. Otherwise there will be no Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Instagram, and yes, no YouTube. I may check my email just to make sure there's nothing important, but other than those two exceptions, no Internet. I do have a video filmed that I will schedule to put up next week but that is all you will be seeing from me starting Sunday and ending, you guessed it, Sunday. The 18th through the 24th I will be taking an internet detox. I will be making sure all of my friends have my phone number in case anyone wants to chat with me during my time offline. A lot of our lives, including mine, are lived on the internet. I think it will be very good for me to take a step away from all of that and remember everything that is important. None of us HAVE to post a status or a selfie daily. That is a choice we are all making. We also have the choice to log off for a while. I think it will be good for everyone at some point soon to step away for a week. Maybe even longer!
Love you all and I will speak to you soon xx
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Regret
Do you ever just have one of those days where you're filled with regret? Not over anything in particular, but just things that have occurred throughout your lifetime. I woke up this morning, literally 30 minutes ago, with thoughts of regret circulating my brain. Why didn't I let myself enjoy my senior year of high school? Why did I say that thing to that one person in 7th grade? Why did I make a big deal of this and not a big deal of that? Was it my fault that both of my relationships sort of ended abruptly? Is it my fault that I'm single? Why didn't I try harder to keep my relationships? Why have I let my YouTube channel and blog go so much? Why do I let anxiety control my life? Why have I become so unmotivated? I guess it's just one of those days.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
In The Middle Of A Sentence...(Let's talk about death, shall we?)
So classic me, I watched The Fault In Our Stars the night before my birthday. It seems that all I ever write about on my blog is tfios. I (kind of) apologize.
As we all know, if you have read the book or seen the movie, the novel that is very dear to Hazel Grace Lancaster is An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten. An Imperial Affliction is about a girl named Anna who has cancer. This book is told through Anna and it ends in the middle of a sentence. After Augustus Waters reads this book which is recommended by his dearest friend Hazel, he becomes utterly shaken about the ending of the novel. While he and Hazel are discussing it, she says, "I think it's just so truthful. We die in the middle of a sentence."
I've been thinking about this sort of topic a lot recently, prior to watching the movie last week, and it's one of those things that, as hard as I try, I just can't get out of my mind. A lot of people say you shouldn't fear death because it's inevitable, but in my honest opinion, I don't see how you can't. I know there's nothing we can do about it; it's going to happen to every single one of us at some point and there's nothing we can do to change that. Although, I wish we could. It absolutely terrifies me that my life will someday end when I'm not ready for it to end, as in dying young. I know this is such a morbid thought, and such a morbid post in general, but it's something that I think about way more often than I probably should.
Over these past few years specifically, this thought has always been near the front of my mind as much as I have tried to make it go away. I guess it's a good thing that I'm such a cautious and anxious person so I really have no reason for this fear to come true. If I have control of this, of course, which I don't. I just constantly live in fear of being in a bad car wreck (#1 reason why I have 0 desire to drive), or being in a terrible situation involving people with weapons if you get what I'm saying.
These sorts of things are exactly what a person like me should never have to worry about. I should be able to live my life freely and happily knowing that everything is going to be just fine and that I'll wake up to tomorrow being a fresh day. However, I live my life the opposite way.
The fate of those I love is just as scary to me. For instance, whenever a friend takes hours to respond to a text, I know, realistically, they're either just busy or asleep. Yet somehow, I end up going to the place of "Something has happened."
I don't think anyone knows that this constantly goes on inside my mind on a day to day basis, so you all probably think I now belong in a mental institution so that's cool.
When I started this post, it was meant to be about something completely different. I was going to say to just cherish every day. Everyone dies in the middle of a sentence. You never know when it will come. It could be tomorrow, or 50 years from now. Not a single one of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So say what you need to say and tell those that you love how much they mean to you, because you never know when the missed chance will have been your last.
As we all know, if you have read the book or seen the movie, the novel that is very dear to Hazel Grace Lancaster is An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten. An Imperial Affliction is about a girl named Anna who has cancer. This book is told through Anna and it ends in the middle of a sentence. After Augustus Waters reads this book which is recommended by his dearest friend Hazel, he becomes utterly shaken about the ending of the novel. While he and Hazel are discussing it, she says, "I think it's just so truthful. We die in the middle of a sentence."
I've been thinking about this sort of topic a lot recently, prior to watching the movie last week, and it's one of those things that, as hard as I try, I just can't get out of my mind. A lot of people say you shouldn't fear death because it's inevitable, but in my honest opinion, I don't see how you can't. I know there's nothing we can do about it; it's going to happen to every single one of us at some point and there's nothing we can do to change that. Although, I wish we could. It absolutely terrifies me that my life will someday end when I'm not ready for it to end, as in dying young. I know this is such a morbid thought, and such a morbid post in general, but it's something that I think about way more often than I probably should.
Over these past few years specifically, this thought has always been near the front of my mind as much as I have tried to make it go away. I guess it's a good thing that I'm such a cautious and anxious person so I really have no reason for this fear to come true. If I have control of this, of course, which I don't. I just constantly live in fear of being in a bad car wreck (#1 reason why I have 0 desire to drive), or being in a terrible situation involving people with weapons if you get what I'm saying.
These sorts of things are exactly what a person like me should never have to worry about. I should be able to live my life freely and happily knowing that everything is going to be just fine and that I'll wake up to tomorrow being a fresh day. However, I live my life the opposite way.
The fate of those I love is just as scary to me. For instance, whenever a friend takes hours to respond to a text, I know, realistically, they're either just busy or asleep. Yet somehow, I end up going to the place of "Something has happened."
I don't think anyone knows that this constantly goes on inside my mind on a day to day basis, so you all probably think I now belong in a mental institution so that's cool.
When I started this post, it was meant to be about something completely different. I was going to say to just cherish every day. Everyone dies in the middle of a sentence. You never know when it will come. It could be tomorrow, or 50 years from now. Not a single one of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So say what you need to say and tell those that you love how much they mean to you, because you never know when the missed chance will have been your last.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
"Long Live" - Class Of 2015
I said remember this moment in the back of my mind
The time we stood with our shaking hands
The crowds in stands went wild
We were the Kings and the Queens
And they read off our names
The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same
You held your head like a hero on a history book page
It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders
One day, we will be remembered
I said remember this feeling, I pass the pictures around
Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now
We are the Kings and the Queens, you traded your baseball cap for a crown
When they gave us our trophies and we held them up for our town
And the cynics were outraged, screaming "This is absurd!"
Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming "Long live that look on your face" and bring on all the pretenders
One day, we will be remembered
Hold on to spinning around
Confetti falls to the ground
May these memories break our fall
Will you take a moment, promise me this?
That you'll stand by me forever
But if God forbid fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
If you have children someday
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name
Tell them how the crowds went wild
Tell them how I hope they shine
Long live the walls we crashed through
I had the time of my life with you
Long, long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
And I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid
Singing, long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
And long, long live that look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day, we will be remembered
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
My Own Happiness Project
I'm reading a book right now called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Don't worry, this isn't going to be entirely a book review in case you're not into those kind of blog posts (although, I would like to start doing more of those on this blog.) However, I would like to talk about it with you for a little bit.
I have heard about this book before via YouTubers. (Meghan Rienks, maybe?) However, I really had no idea what the book was about. At the time of finding out about this book, I was probably not into self-help and mental health as much as I am now. (Joys of pre panic attack life.) I was actually at a flea market when I got this book and picked it up solely on the title, not really knowing anything about it. The Happiness Project - doesn't that sound like something everyone should read? I would let all of you borrow it if I could.
While I'm not even half way through this book, it has already had a major impact on my way of thinking. Like The Fault In Our Stars, for me, this book has definitely given me a new perspective on how I should live my life.
This book travels through the steps and monthly resolutions to complete Gretchen's Happiness Project. Rather than making resolutions at the start of the year, she sits down each month and writes down her resolutions that she wants to accomplish during each individual month so as not to overwhelm herself with an array of unrealistic goals.
Most people take things day by day. Whatever happens, happens. But what's wrong with a little planning? Like Gretchen, the ideal way to set goals is to do a monthly plan rather than a list of 20 things at the start of each year that you'll forget about in the first month of the year. New Year's Resolutions only last until January 2nd in most cases. If you sit down on the first day of each month making a list of about 5 simple, but important, things that you want to change or improve in your life, wouldn't you have more motivation to accomplish them? I would.
Make your monthly resolutions things that you will better your mentality and, well, happiness. If something is stressing you out, get rid of it or get through it. Don't make your resolutions materialistic things such as "buy a new car" or "upgrade my phone." Sure, those things will make you happy in the beginning, but sooner or later, you're going to want a newer car or a newer phone and, once again, you will be unhappy with the one that you have.
Mental health is so incredibly important to me and it's so sad to know that there are so many people in this world who are genuinely so unhappy with their life and constantly anxious about every little thing (me.)
My hope with my own happiness project is that focusing on happiness rather than anxiety will eventually help me to lessen my anxious tendencies. I am going to start my own happiness project promptly on May 1st. No, it might not be at the start of the year, but I encourage all of my readers to do the same. We've only missed 4 months of the year, there's no need we can't start now.
On the first day of each month I will post my 5 monthly resolutions right here on this blog and I encourage you to do the same in the comments. I would love to do this project with all of you.
Only we can control our own happiness. xx
I have heard about this book before via YouTubers. (Meghan Rienks, maybe?) However, I really had no idea what the book was about. At the time of finding out about this book, I was probably not into self-help and mental health as much as I am now. (Joys of pre panic attack life.) I was actually at a flea market when I got this book and picked it up solely on the title, not really knowing anything about it. The Happiness Project - doesn't that sound like something everyone should read? I would let all of you borrow it if I could.
While I'm not even half way through this book, it has already had a major impact on my way of thinking. Like The Fault In Our Stars, for me, this book has definitely given me a new perspective on how I should live my life.
This book travels through the steps and monthly resolutions to complete Gretchen's Happiness Project. Rather than making resolutions at the start of the year, she sits down each month and writes down her resolutions that she wants to accomplish during each individual month so as not to overwhelm herself with an array of unrealistic goals.
Most people take things day by day. Whatever happens, happens. But what's wrong with a little planning? Like Gretchen, the ideal way to set goals is to do a monthly plan rather than a list of 20 things at the start of each year that you'll forget about in the first month of the year. New Year's Resolutions only last until January 2nd in most cases. If you sit down on the first day of each month making a list of about 5 simple, but important, things that you want to change or improve in your life, wouldn't you have more motivation to accomplish them? I would.
Make your monthly resolutions things that you will better your mentality and, well, happiness. If something is stressing you out, get rid of it or get through it. Don't make your resolutions materialistic things such as "buy a new car" or "upgrade my phone." Sure, those things will make you happy in the beginning, but sooner or later, you're going to want a newer car or a newer phone and, once again, you will be unhappy with the one that you have.
Mental health is so incredibly important to me and it's so sad to know that there are so many people in this world who are genuinely so unhappy with their life and constantly anxious about every little thing (me.)
My hope with my own happiness project is that focusing on happiness rather than anxiety will eventually help me to lessen my anxious tendencies. I am going to start my own happiness project promptly on May 1st. No, it might not be at the start of the year, but I encourage all of my readers to do the same. We've only missed 4 months of the year, there's no need we can't start now.
On the first day of each month I will post my 5 monthly resolutions right here on this blog and I encourage you to do the same in the comments. I would love to do this project with all of you.
Only we can control our own happiness. xx
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