So classic me, I watched The Fault In Our Stars the night before my birthday. It seems that all I ever write about on my blog is tfios. I (kind of) apologize.
As we all know, if you have read the book or seen the movie, the novel that is very dear to Hazel Grace Lancaster is An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten. An Imperial Affliction is about a girl named Anna who has cancer. This book is told through Anna and it ends in the middle of a sentence. After Augustus Waters reads this book which is recommended by his dearest friend Hazel, he becomes utterly shaken about the ending of the novel. While he and Hazel are discussing it, she says, "I think it's just so truthful. We die in the middle of a sentence."
I've been thinking about this sort of topic a lot recently, prior to watching the movie last week, and it's one of those things that, as hard as I try, I just can't get out of my mind. A lot of people say you shouldn't fear death because it's inevitable, but in my honest opinion, I don't see how you can't. I know there's nothing we can do about it; it's going to happen to every single one of us at some point and there's nothing we can do to change that. Although, I wish we could. It absolutely terrifies me that my life will someday end when I'm not ready for it to end, as in dying young. I know this is such a morbid thought, and such a morbid post in general, but it's something that I think about way more often than I probably should.
Over these past few years specifically, this thought has always been near the front of my mind as much as I have tried to make it go away. I guess it's a good thing that I'm such a cautious and anxious person so I really have no reason for this fear to come true. If I have control of this, of course, which I don't. I just constantly live in fear of being in a bad car wreck (#1 reason why I have 0 desire to drive), or being in a terrible situation involving people with weapons if you get what I'm saying.
These sorts of things are exactly what a person like me should never have to worry about. I should be able to live my life freely and happily knowing that everything is going to be just fine and that I'll wake up to tomorrow being a fresh day. However, I live my life the opposite way.
The fate of those I love is just as scary to me. For instance, whenever a friend takes hours to respond to a text, I know, realistically, they're either just busy or asleep. Yet somehow, I end up going to the place of "Something has happened."
I don't think anyone knows that this constantly goes on inside my mind on a day to day basis, so you all probably think I now belong in a mental institution so that's cool.
When I started this post, it was meant to be about something completely different. I was going to say to just cherish every day. Everyone dies in the middle of a sentence. You never know when it will come. It could be tomorrow, or 50 years from now. Not a single one of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So say what you need to say and tell those that you love how much they mean to you, because you never know when the missed chance will have been your last.
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