Hello again! I hope everyone is having an incredible start to 2016. Honestly, mine has started off better than I imagined. I strongly believe that this year is going to be amazing from start to finish. I also wanted to address something before I get into the heart of this post. I reached 1000 page views on this blog about a week ago! To me that is honestly something to be proud of. Just knowing that there are people out there who are reading and hopefully enjoying what I have to say warms my heart immensely.
That is not what this post is about though. I wanted to use this week's post as an opportunity to help some of you. And also helping myself in the process. If you're reading this and you've read a few of my other posts on this blog then you know that unfortunately I suffer with anxiety. And I have for most of my life. However, I have never gone as in depth with it as I am about to. So believe me when I say I'm just a tad bit terrified.
I began having this feeling at a very young age that I wasn't "normal." I didn't feel the way other children my age felt. My mother was a volunteer in my classrooms from kindergarten through 5th grade. In all 6 years that I spent in elementary school, whenever my mother wasn't in the room for longer than 10 minutes I would start crying. Or even days that my mother was not at school with me, I would cry throughout the day. I would fake that I was sick so that I would get sent to the nurses. I would then cry so much that my temperature would begin to rise so I would be sent home. Why did I do this? 5 year old to 10 year old me always assumed the worst. I thought something happened to my parents. Even if my mom left the classroom to go make copies in the library, I thought something was going to happen in that span of time.
It was so bad every day that it got to the point where most of my teachers would have a "sticker system." Basically if I didn't cry for an entire school day, I got a sticker. It never felt "normal" to me. My classmates hardly ever cried. So why was I like this?
As I got older it began to get worse and worse. I would feel physically sick before doing presentations or if I had to do group work in classes that I had no friends in. I wouldn't allow myself to make friends out of fear that I annoy everyone I talk to. Even now I still constantly feel like I'm annoying every single person that I talk to, even though logically, I know that that's not the case. It's just a constant blanket of insecurity that I've been living with for most of my life.
Just to clear some things up, I know that everyone experiences anxiety differently. 100 different people could be experiencing the same mental illness, but everyone experiences it, deals with it, and lives with it differently.
No one should ever make you feel bad about any mental illness that you have or have had. I was once told by someone who I thought was my best friend that I use anxiety for attention. Ever since then I've been afraid to talk about it, especially in the open like this.
But no matter how long you've been plagued by this terrible disease, you CAN overcome it. That's where I'm trying to go. You don't have to live with anxiety. You don't have to let it control you. I know that is a lot easier said than done. Trust me. I know from experience. But I do believe I am getting better. Just talk to those you trust whenever you do feel anxious and they'll help you through it. If you are in a situation where you're alone, just breathe. I would always tell my boyfriend whenever I would feel anxious and that's exactly what he told me. "Just breathe." That has helped me more than he knows.
I have said this many many times on blog posts like this but I 100% mean it. I am here for each and every one of you. No one should ever feel like they have no one to talk to or that they're alone. Because I care about everyone reading this and will help you out in any way that I can. You can comment on here, message me on YouTube, tweet me (@melissagauntt) and we will talk about anything. Even if you want to talk about ice cream, we can do that.
I hope you're all having a lovely evening, night, morning. Basically whatever time of day it is where you are, I hope it's lovely. And I love you.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
In Real Life by Joey Graceffa Review!
In In Real Life Joey brings the reader on a journey throughout his entire life thus far. He shares personal stories such as struggling with an alcoholic mother to being bullied for sexuality assumptions. I personally loved this book, not just for the insight into Joey's life and journey; but because throughout the book, Joey includes his own life advice for his readers and YouTube viewers.
Throughout Joey's rise to Internet fame, he has stayed true to himself. He has and will always be an incredibly hard worker and he will never lose sight of his past, all while still trying to better his future. He realizes that his YouTube viewers are what got him to where he is now, but he also takes deserving self-pride into his own accomplishments.
I will without a doubt read this book a second time at some point. This story has brought me a whole new level of admiration for Joey Graceffa. If you haven't read this book, you should give it a shot. And if you somehow have never seen any of Joey Graceffa's videos, you should definitely watch them. https://www.youtube.com/user/JoeyGraceffa
Love you lots
Melissa
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Creating A "Happy New Year"
Woah, do any of you remember me? I am going to assume that for most of you, the answer is probably no. And for that I have to apologize. That is entirely my fault. I have let so many things slip through my fingers throughout the course of 2015 and unfortunately, this blog fell onto that list. For that, I am incredibly sorry.
But I'm back. I am back with a bang louder than the fireworks you are currently hearing outside your window and will continue to hear until 4:00 in the morning. Like those lingering fireworks, you will be so sick of me by the end of 2016. And yes that is my goal. Not to push you away, but to constantly be there. Whether you are a regular reader of my blog or you just happen to stumble through my posts possibly searching for something. That's what I want. I want my blog to house advice, opinions, my own personal experiences, things that I love, and basically just whatever I come up with when I sit down and make my fingers go to work. (By that I meant typing, not other weird activities that fingers do. Moving on.)
2015 was not the best year of my life by any means. Mentally, it was the worst. I will spare you and myself the horrific, flashback-prompting details, but for a while I was not myself. I've slowly gotten back to that which is why I'm ready to thrust myself into this year.
You can create 2016 to be whatever you want it to be. About 2 hours before the wonderful ball in Times Square was lowered, I was having lots and lots of anxiety about this new year coming up. I then started talking to one of my best friends who basically slapped me in the face with a wake up call. You can make this year whatever you want. I've always scoffed at the idea of "new year, new me" but I might be starting to understand. I've always believed that you can change your life or any aspect of it whenever you wanted. No day has to dictate that. But I do understand the opportunity that the ringing in of a new year brings for change. If there's something that you've always wanted to do, just do it. (Oh hey Shia.) Absolutely nothing is stopping you from doing that. Don't make New Year's Resolutions for the fun of it just to feel like you're setting a goal for yourself. If you don't think you'll have the time or even the energy to work out more, don't set yourself that goal. Because if there is an obstacle that presents itself and you can't complete that resolution to the standard that you have set for yourself, then you'll start feeling insecure. That's where the bad mental health kicks in.
Each of us is in charge of our own happiness and we know what will and will not work for us in making sure we stay happy. Wanting to be happy is not selfish. It's healthy. It's essential. If there are people that you had to leave behind in 2015, that's okay. People can be very toxic. Toxins destroy you. You may have some wonderful memories with that person and that is fine, but that doesn't mean that they are good for you overall. Hold those memories close to you forever and remember the good times you had. You don't have to feel hate towards someone who is no longer in your life.
At the end of this post I just wanted to include some of my favorite pictures that have captured some of my favorite memories of 2015. I won't caption them at all. I want you to interpret your own stories as to what each of the pictures mean or capture. I also am going to encourage you to leave some photos in the comments of this post so that I may imagine my own stories as well. And leave your New Year's Resolutions in a comment below as well. I would love to scroll through and read some. I hope everyone has a lovely and safe 2016.
xoxo
Melissa
But I'm back. I am back with a bang louder than the fireworks you are currently hearing outside your window and will continue to hear until 4:00 in the morning. Like those lingering fireworks, you will be so sick of me by the end of 2016. And yes that is my goal. Not to push you away, but to constantly be there. Whether you are a regular reader of my blog or you just happen to stumble through my posts possibly searching for something. That's what I want. I want my blog to house advice, opinions, my own personal experiences, things that I love, and basically just whatever I come up with when I sit down and make my fingers go to work. (By that I meant typing, not other weird activities that fingers do. Moving on.)
2015 was not the best year of my life by any means. Mentally, it was the worst. I will spare you and myself the horrific, flashback-prompting details, but for a while I was not myself. I've slowly gotten back to that which is why I'm ready to thrust myself into this year.
You can create 2016 to be whatever you want it to be. About 2 hours before the wonderful ball in Times Square was lowered, I was having lots and lots of anxiety about this new year coming up. I then started talking to one of my best friends who basically slapped me in the face with a wake up call. You can make this year whatever you want. I've always scoffed at the idea of "new year, new me" but I might be starting to understand. I've always believed that you can change your life or any aspect of it whenever you wanted. No day has to dictate that. But I do understand the opportunity that the ringing in of a new year brings for change. If there's something that you've always wanted to do, just do it. (Oh hey Shia.) Absolutely nothing is stopping you from doing that. Don't make New Year's Resolutions for the fun of it just to feel like you're setting a goal for yourself. If you don't think you'll have the time or even the energy to work out more, don't set yourself that goal. Because if there is an obstacle that presents itself and you can't complete that resolution to the standard that you have set for yourself, then you'll start feeling insecure. That's where the bad mental health kicks in.
Each of us is in charge of our own happiness and we know what will and will not work for us in making sure we stay happy. Wanting to be happy is not selfish. It's healthy. It's essential. If there are people that you had to leave behind in 2015, that's okay. People can be very toxic. Toxins destroy you. You may have some wonderful memories with that person and that is fine, but that doesn't mean that they are good for you overall. Hold those memories close to you forever and remember the good times you had. You don't have to feel hate towards someone who is no longer in your life.
At the end of this post I just wanted to include some of my favorite pictures that have captured some of my favorite memories of 2015. I won't caption them at all. I want you to interpret your own stories as to what each of the pictures mean or capture. I also am going to encourage you to leave some photos in the comments of this post so that I may imagine my own stories as well. And leave your New Year's Resolutions in a comment below as well. I would love to scroll through and read some. I hope everyone has a lovely and safe 2016.
Melissa
Thursday, October 15, 2015
It's Time To Step Back
Over the past year and a half, my personality has changed immensely. Let me just say that in a lot of ways, I am not a fan of these changes. I'm constantly self aware of the ways I've changed and I feel upset when I think about the person I used to be.
I know of a lot of collective reasons why this has happened but I have decided that in order to just take a break and step away from everything, next week I will be taking an internet detox. The only exception to this will be me checking my work schedule as I have to do that online. Otherwise there will be no Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Instagram, and yes, no YouTube. I may check my email just to make sure there's nothing important, but other than those two exceptions, no Internet. I do have a video filmed that I will schedule to put up next week but that is all you will be seeing from me starting Sunday and ending, you guessed it, Sunday. The 18th through the 24th I will be taking an internet detox. I will be making sure all of my friends have my phone number in case anyone wants to chat with me during my time offline. A lot of our lives, including mine, are lived on the internet. I think it will be very good for me to take a step away from all of that and remember everything that is important. None of us HAVE to post a status or a selfie daily. That is a choice we are all making. We also have the choice to log off for a while. I think it will be good for everyone at some point soon to step away for a week. Maybe even longer!
Love you all and I will speak to you soon xx
I know of a lot of collective reasons why this has happened but I have decided that in order to just take a break and step away from everything, next week I will be taking an internet detox. The only exception to this will be me checking my work schedule as I have to do that online. Otherwise there will be no Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Instagram, and yes, no YouTube. I may check my email just to make sure there's nothing important, but other than those two exceptions, no Internet. I do have a video filmed that I will schedule to put up next week but that is all you will be seeing from me starting Sunday and ending, you guessed it, Sunday. The 18th through the 24th I will be taking an internet detox. I will be making sure all of my friends have my phone number in case anyone wants to chat with me during my time offline. A lot of our lives, including mine, are lived on the internet. I think it will be very good for me to take a step away from all of that and remember everything that is important. None of us HAVE to post a status or a selfie daily. That is a choice we are all making. We also have the choice to log off for a while. I think it will be good for everyone at some point soon to step away for a week. Maybe even longer!
Love you all and I will speak to you soon xx
Monday, October 12, 2015
Regret
Do you ever just have one of those days where you're filled with regret? Not over anything in particular, but just things that have occurred throughout your lifetime. I woke up this morning, literally 30 minutes ago, with thoughts of regret circulating my brain. Why didn't I let myself enjoy my senior year of high school? Why did I say that thing to that one person in 7th grade? Why did I make a big deal of this and not a big deal of that? Was it my fault that both of my relationships sort of ended abruptly? Is it my fault that I'm single? Why didn't I try harder to keep my relationships? Why have I let my YouTube channel and blog go so much? Why do I let anxiety control my life? Why have I become so unmotivated? I guess it's just one of those days.
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