Creating A "Happy New Year"

     Woah, do any of you remember me? I am going to assume that for most of you, the answer is probably no. And for that I have to apologize. That is entirely my fault. I have let so many things slip through my fingers throughout the course of 2015 and unfortunately, this blog fell onto that list. For that, I am incredibly sorry.
     But I'm back. I am back with a bang louder than the fireworks you are currently hearing outside your window and will continue to hear until 4:00 in the morning. Like those lingering fireworks, you will be so sick of me by the end of 2016. And yes that is my goal. Not to push you away, but to constantly be there. Whether you are a regular reader of my blog or you just happen to stumble through my posts possibly searching for something. That's what I want. I want my blog to house advice, opinions, my own personal experiences, things that I love, and basically just whatever I come up with when I sit down and make my fingers go to work. (By that I meant typing, not other weird activities that fingers do. Moving on.)
     2015 was not the best year of my life by any means. Mentally, it was the worst. I will spare you and myself the horrific, flashback-prompting details, but for a while I was not myself. I've slowly gotten back to that which is why I'm ready to thrust myself into this year.
     You can create 2016 to be whatever you want it to be. About 2 hours before the wonderful ball in Times Square was lowered, I was having lots and lots of anxiety about this new year coming up. I then started talking to one of my best friends who basically slapped me in the face with a wake up call. You can make this year whatever you want. I've always scoffed at the idea of "new year, new me" but I might be starting to understand. I've always believed that you can change your life or any aspect of it whenever you wanted. No day has to dictate that. But I do understand the opportunity that the ringing in of a new year brings for change. If there's something that you've always wanted to do, just do it. (Oh hey Shia.) Absolutely nothing is stopping you from doing that. Don't make New Year's Resolutions for the fun of it just to feel like you're setting a goal for yourself. If you don't think you'll have the time or even the energy to work out more, don't set yourself that goal. Because if there is an obstacle that presents itself and you can't complete that resolution to the standard that you have set for yourself, then you'll start feeling insecure. That's where the bad mental health kicks in.
     Each of us is in charge of our own happiness and we know what will and will not work for us in making sure we stay happy. Wanting to be happy is not selfish. It's healthy. It's essential. If there are people that you had to leave behind in 2015, that's okay. People can be very toxic. Toxins destroy you. You may have some wonderful memories with that person and that is fine, but that doesn't mean that they are good for you overall. Hold those memories close to you forever and remember the good times you had. You don't have to feel hate towards someone who is no longer in your life.
   

     At the end of this post I just wanted to include some of my favorite pictures that have captured some of my favorite memories of 2015. I won't caption them at all. I want you to interpret your own stories as to what each of the pictures mean or capture. I also am going to encourage you to leave some photos in the comments of this post so that I may imagine my own stories as well. And leave your New Year's Resolutions in a comment below as well. I would love to scroll through and read some. I hope everyone has a lovely and safe 2016.

                                                                                                                            xoxo
                                                                                                         
                                                                                                                                  Melissa

It's Time To Step Back

     Over the past year and a half, my personality has changed immensely. Let me just say that in a lot of ways, I am not a fan of these changes. I'm constantly self aware of the ways I've changed and I feel upset when I think about the person I used to be.
     I know of a lot of collective reasons why this has happened but I have decided that in order to just take a break and step away from everything, next week I will be taking an internet detox. The only exception to this will be me checking my work schedule as I have to do that online. Otherwise there will be no Facebook, Twitter, Netflix, Instagram, and yes, no YouTube. I may check my email just to make sure there's nothing important, but other than those two exceptions, no Internet. I do have a video filmed that I will schedule to put up next week but that is all you will be seeing from me starting Sunday and ending, you guessed it, Sunday. The 18th through the 24th I will be taking an internet detox. I will be making sure all of my friends have my phone number in case anyone wants to chat with me during my time offline. A lot of our lives, including mine, are lived on the internet. I think it will be very good for me to take a step away from all of that and remember everything that is important. None of us HAVE to post a status or a selfie daily. That is a choice we are all making. We also have the choice to log off for a while. I think it will be good for everyone at some point soon to step away for a week. Maybe even longer!

Love you all and I will speak to you soon xx

Regret

     Do you ever just have one of those days where you're filled with regret? Not over anything in particular, but just things that have occurred throughout your lifetime. I woke up this morning, literally 30 minutes ago, with thoughts of regret circulating my brain. Why didn't I let myself enjoy my senior year of high school? Why did I say that thing to that one person in 7th grade? Why did I make a big deal of this and not a big deal of that? Was it my fault that both of my relationships sort of ended abruptly? Is it my fault that I'm single? Why didn't I try harder to keep my relationships? Why have I let my YouTube channel and blog go so much? Why do I let anxiety control my life? Why have I become so unmotivated? I guess it's just one of those days.

In The Middle Of A Sentence...(Let's talk about death, shall we?)

     So classic me, I watched The Fault In Our Stars the night before my birthday. It seems that all I ever write about on my blog is tfios. I (kind of) apologize.
     As we all know, if you have read the book or seen the movie, the novel that is very dear to Hazel Grace Lancaster is An Imperial Affliction by Peter Van Houten. An Imperial Affliction is about a girl named Anna who has cancer. This book is told through Anna and it ends in the middle of a sentence. After Augustus Waters reads this book which is recommended by his dearest friend Hazel, he becomes utterly shaken about the ending of the novel. While he and Hazel are discussing it, she says, "I think it's just so truthful. We die in the middle of a sentence."
     I've been thinking about this sort of topic a lot recently, prior to watching the movie last week, and it's one of those things that, as hard as I try, I just can't get out of my mind. A lot of people say you shouldn't fear death because it's inevitable, but in my honest opinion, I don't see how you can't. I know there's nothing we can do about it; it's going to happen to every single one of us at some point and there's nothing we can do to change that. Although, I wish we could. It absolutely terrifies me that my life will someday end when I'm not ready for it to end, as in dying young. I know this is such a morbid thought, and such a morbid post in general, but it's something that I think about way more often than I probably should.
     Over these past few years specifically, this thought has always been near the front of my mind as much as I have tried to make it go away. I guess it's a good thing that I'm such a cautious and anxious person so I really have no reason for this fear to come true. If I have control of this, of course, which I don't. I just constantly live in fear of being in a bad car wreck (#1 reason why I have 0 desire to drive), or being in a terrible situation involving people with weapons if you get what I'm saying.
     These sorts of things are exactly what a person like me should never have to worry about. I should be able to live my life freely and happily knowing that everything is going to be just fine and that I'll wake up to tomorrow being a fresh day. However, I live my life the opposite way.
     The fate of those I love is just as scary to me. For instance, whenever a friend takes hours to respond to a text, I know, realistically, they're either just busy or asleep. Yet somehow, I end up going to the place of "Something has happened."
     I don't think anyone knows that this constantly goes on inside my mind on a day to day basis, so you all probably think I now belong in a mental institution so that's cool.
     When I started this post, it was meant to be about something completely different. I was going to say to just cherish every day. Everyone dies in the middle of a sentence. You never know when it will come. It could be tomorrow, or 50 years from now. Not a single one of us are guaranteed tomorrow. So say what you need to say and tell those that you love how much they mean to you, because you never know when the missed chance will have been your last.

"Long Live" - Class Of 2015

I said remember this moment in the back of my mind

The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the Kings and the Queens

And they read off our names 

The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same

You held your head like a hero on a history book page

It was the end of a decade, but the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

I said remember this feeling, I pass the pictures around

Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines wishing for right now

We are the Kings and the Queens, you traded your baseball cap for a crown

When they gave us our trophies and we held them up for our town

And the cynics were outraged, screaming "This is absurd!"

Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming long live all the magic we made and bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid

Long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

I was screaming "Long live that look on your face" and bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

Hold on to spinning around 

Confetti falls to the ground 

May these memories break our fall

Will you take a moment, promise me this?

That you'll stand by me forever  

But if God forbid fate should step in 

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name

Tell them how the crowds went wild 

Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life with you

Long, long live the walls we crashed through

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

And I was screaming long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid

Singing, long live all the mountains we moved

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

And long, long live that look on your face

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered