Hello again! I hope everyone is having an incredible start to 2016. Honestly, mine has started off better than I imagined. I strongly believe that this year is going to be amazing from start to finish. I also wanted to address something before I get into the heart of this post. I reached 1000 page views on this blog about a week ago! To me that is honestly something to be proud of. Just knowing that there are people out there who are reading and hopefully enjoying what I have to say warms my heart immensely.
That is not what this post is about though. I wanted to use this week's post as an opportunity to help some of you. And also helping myself in the process. If you're reading this and you've read a few of my other posts on this blog then you know that unfortunately I suffer with anxiety. And I have for most of my life. However, I have never gone as in depth with it as I am about to. So believe me when I say I'm just a tad bit terrified.
I began having this feeling at a very young age that I wasn't "normal." I didn't feel the way other children my age felt. My mother was a volunteer in my classrooms from kindergarten through 5th grade. In all 6 years that I spent in elementary school, whenever my mother wasn't in the room for longer than 10 minutes I would start crying. Or even days that my mother was not at school with me, I would cry throughout the day. I would fake that I was sick so that I would get sent to the nurses. I would then cry so much that my temperature would begin to rise so I would be sent home. Why did I do this? 5 year old to 10 year old me always assumed the worst. I thought something happened to my parents. Even if my mom left the classroom to go make copies in the library, I thought something was going to happen in that span of time.
It was so bad every day that it got to the point where most of my teachers would have a "sticker system." Basically if I didn't cry for an entire school day, I got a sticker. It never felt "normal" to me. My classmates hardly ever cried. So why was I like this?
As I got older it began to get worse and worse. I would feel physically sick before doing presentations or if I had to do group work in classes that I had no friends in. I wouldn't allow myself to make friends out of fear that I annoy everyone I talk to. Even now I still constantly feel like I'm annoying every single person that I talk to, even though logically, I know that that's not the case. It's just a constant blanket of insecurity that I've been living with for most of my life.
Just to clear some things up, I know that everyone experiences anxiety differently. 100 different people could be experiencing the same mental illness, but everyone experiences it, deals with it, and lives with it differently.
No one should ever make you feel bad about any mental illness that you have or have had. I was once told by someone who I thought was my best friend that I use anxiety for attention. Ever since then I've been afraid to talk about it, especially in the open like this.
But no matter how long you've been plagued by this terrible disease, you CAN overcome it. That's where I'm trying to go. You don't have to live with anxiety. You don't have to let it control you. I know that is a lot easier said than done. Trust me. I know from experience. But I do believe I am getting better. Just talk to those you trust whenever you do feel anxious and they'll help you through it. If you are in a situation where you're alone, just breathe. I would always tell my boyfriend whenever I would feel anxious and that's exactly what he told me. "Just breathe." That has helped me more than he knows.
I have said this many many times on blog posts like this but I 100% mean it. I am here for each and every one of you. No one should ever feel like they have no one to talk to or that they're alone. Because I care about everyone reading this and will help you out in any way that I can. You can comment on here, message me on YouTube, tweet me (@melissagauntt) and we will talk about anything. Even if you want to talk about ice cream, we can do that.
I hope you're all having a lovely evening, night, morning. Basically whatever time of day it is where you are, I hope it's lovely. And I love you.
Monday, January 25, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
In Real Life by Joey Graceffa Review!
In In Real Life Joey brings the reader on a journey throughout his entire life thus far. He shares personal stories such as struggling with an alcoholic mother to being bullied for sexuality assumptions. I personally loved this book, not just for the insight into Joey's life and journey; but because throughout the book, Joey includes his own life advice for his readers and YouTube viewers.
Throughout Joey's rise to Internet fame, he has stayed true to himself. He has and will always be an incredibly hard worker and he will never lose sight of his past, all while still trying to better his future. He realizes that his YouTube viewers are what got him to where he is now, but he also takes deserving self-pride into his own accomplishments.
I will without a doubt read this book a second time at some point. This story has brought me a whole new level of admiration for Joey Graceffa. If you haven't read this book, you should give it a shot. And if you somehow have never seen any of Joey Graceffa's videos, you should definitely watch them. https://www.youtube.com/user/JoeyGraceffa
Love you lots
Melissa
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